would take them out to eat at a fastfood restaurant, which the children enjoyed. R. also felt that had C. not been killed, she would have eventually withdrawn her VAWC complaint because she still loved him. According to R., she is not interested in filing a case aganst the police officers who killed C. because it will no longer bring him back to life anyway. She was more worried about meeting her household’s needs, especially now that she is the only one with an income. A similar narrative was the case of J. as told by her mother in the interview. J. was physically and psychologically battered her partner, F.so his death was a “total relief”. J.had been living with F. for 12 years when he died. They had two children, 12 and 4years old. F. was a habal-habal driver who was often gone for most part of the day. He was always accusing J. of having an affair because she is fair and good-looking. Once, after an episode of physical abuse, J. had filed a criminal complaint against him, but she later dropped it for the sake of their children. The death of F. was in a way justice for her daughter but all is not well after. The death deeply affected her granddaughter, not only because she was close to her father, but especially because she had witnessed how her father was gunned down by two men. Economic concerns were also highlighted in the women’s narratives about the impact of EJK on them. As mentioned previously, most of the interviewees came from financially insecure households, and in many of them, the victim was the main income earner when he died. For almost all interviewees, this — the children’s welfare specifically – was their biggest burden after the EJK, yet it was also what prevented them from being immobilized by their grief. Kahit napakahirap po at napakasakit pinipilit kong magpakatatag para sa aming anak, sa mga oras at panahon na hinahanap sya ng anak namin parang dinudurog ang puso ko. Sa mga panahon na wala sya sobrang namimiss ko na sya. Kinakaya ko sa tulong at suporta ng pamilya ko at nya, napakasakit ng ginawa nila sa aking asawa. (Region IV) Iniisip ko na lang ang mga anak ko Ma’am, kung mawala ako at wala na si Papa nila, pano na sila. (Region XII) Iniisip ko na lang yung mga bata. Parang sila na lang yung lakas ko. Sila ang pinaghuhugutan ko. (Region II) Other sources of women’s strength and resilience after the violent death of the victim include their support network of family, relatives and neighbors both in terms of material and non-material means; and their spiritual faith. Acceptance of what happened and belief in retribution (by god or karma) was also mentioned. Pinilit kong maging matatag sa nangyari dahil sa sarili ko hindi ito kakayanin ngunit hindi na nawala ang tiwala ko sa diyos na hindi niya ako pababayaan maaaring ang nangyaring ito ay may dahilan kahit mahirap at napakasakit ang nangyari. Andyan ang iba kong pamilya, kaibigan at kakilala na nagbibigay ng lakas ng loob para harapin ang napakalaking dagok sa buhay ko (Region IV) Panaghoy: The Philippine War on Drugs from the Perspective of Women March 2019 30

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