On the Interviewees Themselves The women’s description of the impact of EJK on them revolved mostly only two things: the psychological and emotional effects, and the effect of the death on the practical side of their everyday living. About the latter, making ends meet was highlighted. The sudden and violent way that they lost their family member came as a shock to all of the interviewees. Most of the women learned about the death of the victm through their relatives, neighbors or the police who either called them or personally delivered the news. In nine cases, the interviewee was with the victim when he or she was killed, or was nearby.One interviewee said that among her family members, she was the one most affected when the news of the death came, “para kang masiraan ng ulo” (Region I). Conversations about the EJK victim and the War on Drugs could trigger their memories of the event and their sense of loss, even a year or so after the event. They still have trouble sleeping, could not eat properly, and cry when they remember what happened. One woman in Region I said that she sometimes could not stop thinking about it (“isip ng isip”) and “natutulala”. It also affected their work: Naging mas matumal ako sa trabaho. Parang, alam ko ‘yung trabaho ko, pero hindi ko matuon ng maayos sa trabaho ang atensyon ko. Wala talaga ako sa focus kaya natambakan ako ng trabaho” (CAR). One woman who was a teacher revealed that for months after her husband was killed, she felt empty and lost and seemed not to know what to teach her pupils anymore. (Region XIII) Some interviewees said that they are still grieving deeply for their loved ones. A woman described the impact on her as “like [I] no longer have a life” (Region VII) as she recalls the plans she and her husband made for their family and livelihood. Another said, that she “feels nothing maybe because [she doesn’t] care anymore.” Her only goal is how to survive on a day-to-day basis (Region XII). Others simply put it as feeling “sobrang kalungkutan” [extreme sadness]. In Region VI, the woman had yet to recover from the death of her husband when her son was killed a month after – both men were EJK victims. Nine women mentioned feeling angry and frustrated with the people who they felt were responsible for the EJK (e.g. the police or barangay), or their situation in general.It even crossed the mind of one interviewee to hire someone to kill the person whom she thinks had her son killed, but she quickly dismissed it (Region VII). In one case, the woman’s anger was directed at the victim, her husband, whom she discovered had a second family only after his death (CAR). Lagi kong naiisip “Oh my God, pinagtaksilan mo ako.” Inis na inis ako. Sabi ko nga, sana isang oras lang, para masabi ko lang lahat ng gusto kong masabi. Pero tinanggap ko na, kasi wala na, Panaghoy: The Philippine War on Drugs from the Perspective of Women March 2019 28