attacked because I am trans, I was attacked because of what other people thought and
concluded about that, commonly before and without my input. Our current society is built to
comfort cis people over trans people. Me being discriminated was intensified moreso from
knowing that there was a lack of societal support for when I would be vulnerable afterwards.
The hardship of healing came alongside thinking about options. There are no laws protecting
us nationwide from discrimination, when there is no real barrier stopping these from existing
than decisions made from discrimination through an intentional lack of both action and depth
of description.
I couldn't go through this alone. I realized that I didn't have to go through this alone.
Even without laws, there were always people, even if there seemed none in my current social
reach. Stigma seemed consistent against me, because I would keep meeting it--I had to
respond through solidarity, and I found that in the LGBTQIA+ community. I was still reeling
from emotional abuse a month after until the present. I had to explore for my own safety,
physically and mentally. I've noticed that hatred can come from lacking the capability to
describe what is positive of what is discriminated or the concept being worked with. Shifting
positions outside of comparison, I found answers in changing from a transactional perspective
to one built on consideration. There is discriminatory anger, and there is righteous anger--the
feeling of standing against harm, for your own protection, not necessarily escalating tension,
but pushing for motivation—that something must be done.
It takes a sense of personal competence to choose, through traumatic experiences, to
be better and more ethical than the society you grow up in. It takes opportunities to heal from
trauma, and opportunities commonly favor those with privilege; in the lack of opportunities,
I've learned that they can be made: Inasmuch as I carried my stories in memory, I could also
play the role as their writer, and carry them through my trauma.
I can't move out. I can't distance myself from those who emotionally abuse me. I can
work with my narrative in mind, and in the place of abuse, commit healing onto myself by
accepting that I can be healed, and push outside this conceptual vacuum that only trauma can
leave behind. This motivation helped me reach out to others--inasmuch as it took me 5+ years
to find my first LGBT+ group in the Cordilleras, the years feel like distant yet distinct seconds
when living the reality afterwards: Organizing and connecting with more than a handful of
people who can understand very well how to comfort trauma because of facing similar feelings
themselves; away from needless cultural barriers perpetuating ignorance of our truth.
Friendships save lives. Friendships saved lives in epidemics and crises in the past,
they’re saving lives in the pandemic at present. The LGBT+ community is inherently resilient-a sea of stories building upon each other--practicing collective-care in facing the lack of
potential self-care, with a goal to return what is into collective memory, than what was
prescribed and dictated by colonial memory. I've seen my abuse perpetuated as a result of
collective forgetfulness--replaced by doubt through shallow depictions and beliefs. A lot of my
connections in the community are scholars, motivated to being well-read on history and social
issues. I never pictured myself writing stories at all because of trauma, much less sharing them
for others, until I learned that stories are carried in life, and lived throughout. Stories help
against trauma, because they are personal conversations.
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